|Team Building Information||
Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com
Working with Difficult People: 3 Questions to Help You Turn Your Tormentors into Teachers
The Dance of Conflict
When faced with the prospect of meeting with a confrontational employee, the project manager of a New Hampshire insurance company heaved a sigh. Not again, he thought to himself. Every conversation with this guy is a struggle.
He decided to use the meeting as an opportunity to shift perspective and try a new approach. He began by imagining that the employee had good intentions but was a bit rough around the edges. He considered that maybe if he aligned with the employee, he might be better able to direct him. First, he arranged the office chairs so that instead of face to face, they were at oblique angles and generally facing the same direction. Then he took a few deep breaths and opened the door.
The employee began by stating with intensity all that was going wrong with the project. The manager's initial reaction was to resist the attack, but he refocused his attention on listening and understanding and sat quietly for a while. Instead of coming back with answers or a rebuttal, he found himself asking the employee what he thought the real nature of the problem was and what actions he would suggest to solve it. The confrontational atmosphere diffused and gave way to a sense of collaboration. The two were aligned physically in their chairs and now conceptually in the way they approached the problem. The change the manager made in himself turned out to be very effective, and both manager and employee began to work on solving the issues facing the project.
From Tormentor to Teacher
It's hard to like everyone. Some colleagues are great partners; we know their style and blend easily with them. We "dance well together." With others we always seem to be out of step. We wonder, How can they be that way? or What makes them tick? Or worse - we don't care; we just want to be as far away as possible.
The problem is we still have to work with these people, and our reactivity in their presence gives them a kind of power over us. However, by seeking to understand the opponent, we take the initiative. At worst, we learn something. At best, we may turn them into an ally and improve the quality of the work environment.
But how do you turn a tormentor into a teacher? Begin by asking yourself some questions about who they are and why they behave the way they do.
Who is this person away from the workplace? See the different parts of this person - the parent, grandparent, friend, dancer, skier, singer, or loved one (of someone!). Chances are you're only seeing the annoying part of your tormentor. Widen your perspective.
What is their positive intention? Underneath the disrespectful behavior, what do they really want? Respect? Independence? Control? Acknowledgement? Attention? You may realize that you have similar goals, though you seek them differently.
Why do you think they behave as they do? It's useful to adopt the attitude that their actions have little (if anything) to do with you. Most people operate out of habit. Even if they don't get the respect or attention they desire, they can't change because they don't know any other way. Maybe it falls to you to help them find it. Suggest ways they might achieve their aims more effectively. Be their teacher.
As you read this article, think of someone with whom your "dance" feels like a struggle. Then, instead of wishing they would change, start with yourself. It doesn't mean you're wrong, at fault, or need to change your opinion. It means that in order to resolve the conflict it works better to begin with what you can control - you.
Remember that you're doing this for you. You're stuck and you want to get unstuck. Like your tormentor, you've been taking actions that aren't working, so try something new. When your well-being depends upon the actions of others, you inadvertently give them power. But with awareness and practice, you can make new choices about how you respond to the difficult people and situations in your life - and take the power back.
Our project manager and his employee will have more opportunities to dance with conflict as their relationship changes and grows. Thanks to the manager's willingness to try something new, they've discovered common ground from which to begin the process. We all have challenging people in our lives. Will they be tormentors or teachers? Our perspective greatly influences our response.
© 2004 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training
You're welcome to reprint this story. If you do, please include this reference: Judy Ringer is a conflict and communication skills trainer, black belt in aikido, and sole owner of Power & Presence Training. For ideas and inspiration on conflict, communication, and creating the life you want, visit us online at http://www.JudyRinger.com/
Team Building - Google News
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
Communication between franchisees in a franchise system
If you own a franchise you would be wise to stay in constant communication with your fellow and local franchisee counterparts. You should call up once a week and simply say; Hi.
Building Successful Work Relationships--Playing In The Same Sandbox
Remember playing in your childhood sandbox? If you enjoyed being outside for most of the day, you could play in the sandbox for hours on end-shaping and pouring the sand or mixing it with a little water to form a castle or hill. Children enjoy playing with sand or dirt and learn at an early age how to make the most of this play time activity.
Station Teams: Assembly Required
Too often teams aren't assembled. They just happen.
Staying Informed Key For Your Team
We exist in such a rapidly-changing environment. Technology is moving along so quickly it seems things change with the blink of an eye.
Outdoor Team Development - Harmless Fun or Serious Learning?
The Sales Director had organised a great conference; the venue was first class, the service excellent and the content of the workshops and presentations very motivational. The only potential "fly in the ointment" was the team-building afternoon which was scheduled to take place outdoors as evidenced by the memo outlining the fact that waterproof jackets, trousers and boots should be brought along to the conference.
Feedback - Confirming the Good News
The feedback I'm talking about here isn't some sort offormalised appraisal that takes place with your team membersevery month, or every six months or once a year. Thisfeedback happens continually and it happens when you see orhear something you want to give feedback on.
Whats Your REAL problem??
When was the last time you spent excessive time and money solving a problem only to discover the problem you thought you had wasn't really the problem at all?Recognizing the real problem is crucial to any problem-solving venture. John Dewey said, "A problem is half solved if it is properly stated.
Having Trouble Motivating Others? Try WIIFM
Recently my fourteen-year old son Matt dressed up as Santa Claus and attended a Christmas caroling event for one of my professional organizations. Was my son excited about the idea of spending one of his evenings singing to seniors instead of being with his friends? Not really.
Putting Your Expert Team Together
As a freelance writer myself, I know how important it is to have, and keep track of, experts to interview. Here are a few ideas on the topic: I always emphasize to clients and seminar participants how important it is to start and maintain a "Team 100" list -- people to support you in whatever you are doing.
How Leaders Unlock Potential in Teams
Leaders are faced with unlocking the potential in the people that they lead and motivating the individual is a key part of this process. Motivation is not something that is done to an individual as they already posses it.
Do You Want to Get Others to Improve Their Performance? Then Expect the Best
Recently I decided to stretch my athletic abilities and add a running program to my regular exercise routine. Although I had tried to run in the past, my level of success was pretty pathetic.
The Top 7 Things Entrepreneurs Need to Know About Employees
As I work with clients to strengthen their teams and to make their businesses more profitable, I often encounter some serious misunderstandings of human nature. These misunderstandings usually lead business leaders in the wrong direction when they attempt to inspire their employees to perform at a higher level.
Safety First - Five Reasons to Hold a Routine Safety Meeting
Workplace safety is important to all businesses for ethical, legal and financial reasons. Keeping employees safe from injury is the right thing to do, it also keeps a business away from civil litigation and can lower costly compensation claims.
Seven Keys to More Effectively Leading Teams
Maybe you find yourself in a new team environment and leading a team for the first time, or maybe you have been working with and leading teams forever. Either way, the keys in this article - whether as new information or a fresh reminder - can make a world of difference in morale, productivity and results from teams.
7 Key Dimensions of High Performance Teams
7 Key Dimensions of High Performance Teams We can always look at the behaviors and skills of team leaders and team members in analyzing team performance and success, but it is also instructive to look at the overall team as well. The list of attributes that follows describes team units that are highly productive and successful.
Company Picnic Ideas and Planning Tips
The company picnic is a beloved tradition at many firms.It's an opportunity for employees to mingle and "let down their hair.
Recruiting Government Workers As Franchisees
Many believe a leaner government promotes better freedoms with respect to free enterprise and the right to free contract. Leaner governments make fewer laws because of their enforcement capabilities.
The Top Ten Methods to Create a Successful Work Team
Teams are often useful in situations where the task cannot be completed individually or if the task requires working interdependently. However, a successful team requires thought and planning.
If You Can't See It, They Won't Do It
Recently, while developing a customer service program, I asked my client to provide me with detailed descriptions of behaviors he wanted his team members to engage in. He called me back a short time later and told me that his department heads were having a difficult time with the assignment.
Team Communication Critical To Success
I'm often asked, "Why is my team always fighting fires instead of preparing for changes?" Finding the answer may take some digging. Here are a few possibilities.
© www.KewlOz.com 2013